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Mar 05 2012

Iric

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Do You Have A Prescription For That?

Why does every prescription drug commercial appear to be the same?  The first 20 seconds of the commercial depict happy people often walking in a park, on a beach, or on a patio grilling.  It seems that a lot of people who are taking a prescription drug feel the need to grill.  My problem with these commercials is that I can never figure out what the people in the commercials are taking the drug for.  Why?  Because all I hear after the first 20 seconds of the commercial is the 2-1/2 minutes of all the possible side effects from taking the advertised happy drug.

 

It doesn’t matter what prescription drug that someone is taking, they all share the same potential side effects:

  • Double vision: I’m sure this could be considered a good thing should you find yourself in front of an attractive person.  Double vision is never a good side effect when confronting a squirrel.
  • Amnesia: Not being able to remember the way to work could be a positive side effect.  Being unemployed is not a good thing.
  • Walking in Circles: Some individuals may find themselves walking in circles for hours.  If you know a circle walker, please get them some skates, and take them to a rink or a roundabout.
  • Snoop Talk: A severe, and thankfully rare side effect is the need to speak like Snoop Dogg, “Fo’ shizzle ma nizzle.”
  • Enlarged breasts: This is a possible side effect in both men and women.  This may be a positive side effect for some women, but not so much in men.
  • Difficulty swallowing: Who needs to drink water and eat food anyway, right?  Think of all the daily food points you would accumulate by not being able to swallow.  By the time you can swallow again, you’ll be able to eat a Thanksgiving feast.
  • Dress like a ballerina: I don’t know about you, but I’m sure I wouldn’t look good in a tutu.
  • Shoe Removing: Constant urge to remove your right shoe.


     

I would be more worried about suffering from all the possible side effects than the actual ailment that led me to use the prescription drug in the first place.

 

It’s too bad that a prescription medication cannot be used effectively on individuals that we all come across on a weekly and sometimes daily basis.

 

The One Upper: This person has to be better than his/her friends, coworkers, and associates in every aspect of their life.

  • If you go lunch with this individual and order the #1 combo meal (hopefully your sandwich doesn’t include 40 pickles), they feel the need to order the Biggie sized #1 combo meal.
  • If your child scored a game winning goal, their child won an Olympic Gold Medal.
  • If you buy a sports car with a sunroof. They have to buy the convertible version of your sports car.

     

The Perfume Counter: They smell so pretty that when you walk past this individual you feel like you were just karate chopped in the nose.  If everyone around them were to wear a gas mask, they may get a hint, but until then, a small prescribed pill may enhance their sense of smell, and stop their chemical warfare against everyone around them.


The Know-It-All: This individual feels the need to appear smarter than everyone around them.  They have the “correct” opinion about everything.  They are typically bad listeners, and love to make you feel like you know nothing about any topic.  You could talk about yourself, and still they would tell you that they know you better than you know yourself.

 

Major Interrupters: They feel the need to interrupt every conversation that they come across.  Somehow their agenda (topic) is more important than a room full of people talking amongst themselves, and they are drawn like a magnet to interrupt the present conversation.  They always crowbar their topic into a conversation even if it isn’t related to the topic at hand.  Somehow they have forgotten that communication is the successful sharing of information.

 

Too Much Make-UpWhen children run up to you, and tell you that they love your Happy Meals, it’s time to wear less make-up.


Fashion Offender: They seem to wear the wrong size, the wrong color, and the wrong style in every situation.  It’s too bad their mirror cannot talk to them when they are checking themselves out in the morning.  The mirror would say:

  • “You’re not going to wear thatare you?”
  • “You’ve got to be kidding!”
  • “When did that fit you?”
  • “You’re showing too much of your assets.”
  • “I would comment right now, but I’m too busy laughing.”
  • “Shake it, and I’ll give you a dollar.”
  • “If thou don’t look good in front of me, thou will not look any better in public.”

     

If you share any of the unpleasant characteristics that I have mentioned, please consider this a wake-up call for improvement.

 

If not, someone you know may recommend a prescription drug for you which could result in: You walking in circles for hours in a roundabout, wearing clothes too small, wearing only your left shoe, and looking like a clown.


If that happens, I feel bad for youfo’ shizzle I do.

 

Be kindconsider those around you.


© 2012, Iric. All rights reserved.

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