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Aug 10 2012

Iric

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Desperate times…desperate measures

Last night I was desperate and did something that I would never do unless I was experiencing an emergency.  Right before I did it, I paused, and thought to myself, “Do I really want to do this?” The situation left me no choice.

Relax! I wasn’t so desperate that I ordered a product from an infomercial. I was desperate, not hopeless.  If you are reading this and have actually ordered an item from an infomercial…I apologize.

I’m sure you had a good reason for ordering:

The Katana Sword


I’m not sure why you thought you needed an imposter of a samurai sword to cut up your lettuce for use in a salad.  Please remember to use safety goggles and wear an ultra-padded snow mobile suit when using this sword for food preparation.  This sword has not been approved for lawn care, arts & crafts, or wallpaper removal projects.  Money down the toilet: $44.95

 

The Facial Flex


I have no idea how someone thought it was a good idea to spend their hard-earned money on this illusion of a beauty product.  This crazy medieval torture device has not been approved by The American Dental Association.  Warning: Do not use near small children.  They will run away screaming and crying.  The facial flex should also not be used to force children to eat their vegetables.  Money down the toilet: $29.86

 

The Potty Putter


I’m not sure I can come up with the proper words to describe the stupidity of this concept.  If the Potty Putter fails to help your golf game; it can be used as a potty training mat for a puppy.  Money literally down the toilet: $19.99

 

The MagneScribe Pen


The wearer of the MagneScribe Pen is advertising to the world that they have given up on having friends, their image, and having a future spouse.  The MagneScribe uses revolutionary magnetic technology…really?  That is amazing since the concept of magnetism (magnets) has been around for over 2,500 years.  Who wants to wear a big magnetized clock around their neck in order to not lose their pen?  Please be on the look-out for the New Velcro-Necklace.  The Velcro-Necklace uses revolutionary Velcro technology.  This fashionable necklace is perfect for making sure you don’t lose your car keys, remote control, cellphone, and Yorkshire Terrier.  Money down the toilet: $29.95

I just realized that I went off on an infomercial tangent.  Where was I?  Oh…I remember now. 

Last night my lips felt chapped, and I couldn’t find my ChapStick.  I searched everywhere for my ChapStick, but to no avail.  I broke down, and I had to use Cherry ChapStick.  I am embarrassed to admit it.  The cherry smell was so strong, I felt like someone stuck a scratch-n-sniff sticker under my nose.  The cherry smell was everywhere…I couldn’t escape it.  I felt like I was trapped in a car with 100 cherry tree air fresheners.  I tried to run very fast to get rid of the smell, but I was not wearing the proper running shoes.  As soon as I stopped running; the cherry smell snuck up on me like a ninja.  To top it off, I couldn’t get that Katy Perry song out of my head.  Guess what Katy?  I kissed a girl, and I liked it too.

Newsflash:  I interrupt this embarrassing Cherry ChapStick post to bring you an important news message.  I have found a person who can relate to the ChapStick dilemma that I experienced last night.  It’s good to know that I am not alone in this world.

© 2012, Iric. All rights reserved.

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