Aug 13 2012


Print this Post

I was robbed of a holiday.

Hi.  My name is Iric, and I’m a left-handed person.

I just found out about an hour ago that today is International Left-Handers Day, and I missed out on the celebration. I feel duped. Ha! Duped sounds like a funny word. How many times do you actually get to use the word “duped” in your life? Please refrain from any political jokes at this time.

I didn’t remember seeing any news broadcast informing me of any parades, parties, or even what color I should be wearing to promote the minority hand holiday. Was I supposed to hang a special flag? I don’t know. Is there a Left-Handed International Day anthem that I should have sung?  I don’t know.  Is there a special meal that I should eat on International Left-Handers Day?  I don’t know.  Am I supposed to eat a left-handed turkey?  I don’t know.

One out of ten people are left-handed.  We are more creative and tend to have careers in the music, writing, and art world.  Left-handed people are also supposed to be more intelligent, better problem solvers, yet we are forgetful, and clumsy.  What a great balance.  I may create some great work of art and then ultimately forget where I placed it.  Worse yet, I may trip over my feet, and ruin my artful masterpiece before I can share it with the world.  The good news is that I haven’t created anything that would classify as a masterpiece yet, but when I do, I will make sure to be extra careful when handling it, and to create a treasure map in order to find it.

Left-handed research has found that I am supposed to be less ticklish than a right-handed person.  Really?  I have places on my body where I am extremely ticklish.  I’m not sure if I’m as ticklish as a right-handed person, but I squirm, flinch, laugh, scream, and run away when I’m tickled.

Two of the last three presidents have been left-handed.  Wait!  I’m not sure that sharing my left-handedness is a plus or minus in terms of our recent presidents.  I would go into more humorous details about politics, but remember, I already set the above rule in regards to this post: “Please refrain from any political jokes at this time.”

Left-handers are supposed to have a shorter lifespan and are more likely to suffer from a number of health problems such as schizophrenia.  Should I ever develop schizophrenia, I hope I have the delusion that I am indeed a super ninja.  Why?  So I will be able to run faster, have superior strength, climb tall walls, and have great jumping ability.  I almost forgot.  I would also like to believe that I have x-ray vision so I can see better through that ninja mask.

One day I’ll have to write about the time I was wearing my ninja suit in the dark and ran full speed into a fence.  Ha!  Scientists say left-handed people are supposed to be more intelligent…well I believe my running into a fence incident proved that theory wrong.

Still with all the left-handed research, scientists still have no clue what makes someone become left-handed when the majority of the people in this world are not.  I would also like to take this time to plead for scientists to work on more worthy causes such as:

  • Discovering a cure to the common cold.
  • Figuring out how to put more marshmallows in a box of Lucky Charms.
  • Why Trix cereal is for kids and not for silly rabbits.
  • Why I always guess the wrong escalators when I want to go up or down.
  • Why I always seem to catch every red light when I am in a hurry.
  • Making paper cuts less painful.
  • Inventing shoes that really make you run faster. (Sorry…I’m suffering from my super ninja delusion again.)
  • Making fences easier to spot at night.
  • Discovering why some squirrels attack office cleaning workers.


Next year on International Left-Handers Day I will be ready to celebrate and so should you.  If you know someone who is a minority handed person, make sure you tell them that they are special, and that you care about them.  Heck, give that special left-handed someone a hug if the holiday spirit should move you.  My personal in-depth research has shown that left-handed people like hugs. 

© 2012 – 2014, Iric. All rights reserved.

Share Button

Permanent link to this article: http://www.iricjames.com/?p=1757

Share your thoughts and comments with me.