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Hello! My name is number…. » Your World My Eyes

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Feb 10 2012

Iric

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Hello! My name is number….

It seems the days of talking politics, sports, flirting with religion, and even the weather are gone in my office.  What could possibly replace these hot topics of conversation?

One word: Points.

Yes, the buzz word around my office these days is the word, “Points.”  As in the point system that is used in the weight loss program by Weight Watchers.  There are a large number; oops, I mean a lot of people currently enrolled in this weight loss program at my office.

Common phrases heard in the office hallway:

“How many points do you have?”

“I wish I had that many points.”

“I wanted to eat that, but it was worth too many points.”

“I can’t wait till 3 o’clock.  I get to eat two low-fat saltine crackers and they are only worth one point.”

“I used up all my points for the whole day in one meal.”

 

Everyone is given a number, or their daily “points” based on their current weight, age, how many pounds they want to lose, and their current health condition.

You stand in front of a Weight Watchers representative.  He or She looks you over….waves a weight-loss magic wand and, “Presto!”  Congratulations!  Your whole identity has been replaced by a number.  You are then handed a Weight Watchers – Pocket Guide that designates points for every food that you eat.  From what I can tell, everyone is enrolled in a weight loss program that is slightly above starvation.  I think Tom Hanks, in the movie Castaway, had more food points than some of my coworkers.

 

 

Tom Hanks isn’t excited because he just figured out how to make fire on a deserted island.  He is happy because he was just given 10 more daily food points.

 

 

 

If I could produce counterfeit points, I would be rich.  The Diet Police would definitely have me listed on their 10 most wanted list.

Judging by how unhappy and hungry everyone is at work, I would be turned into the Diet Police in a matter of minutes if they offered a 20 point reward for my capture.

 

If the weather were warmer in Ohio; I would offer 2 points if someone washed my car.  What does 2 points get you?  It gets you one scoop of fat-free ice cream.  Yum!  Yum!  I better make it 3 points for washing my car.

 

You know the potato chip commercial where they say, “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One!” Oh yeah, join this weight loss program, and I bet you can only eat one potato chip. Why?  Because that’s all you’re allowed to eat; one potato chip.

 

Go to a professional sporting event, buy a normal hot dog, and what does that cost you?

$15 for parking.

$75 for the ticket.

$7 for the hot dog AND 5 food points (no condiments allowed).

 

Feel like eating a slice of pizza instead of the hot dog?  One slice of thin crust pizza will also cost you 5 points.  Wait!  According to the Pocket Guide, one slice of thin crust pizza = 1/12 of a 16” pizza.  How much pizza is that?  Basically you’re allowed to eat two bites and one pepperoni.  Yummy…yummy…in my tummy.

 

(Middle of the night burglary scene)

Wife: “Honey!  Wake up!  I just heard a strange noise downstairs.”

Husband: “Are you sure it wasn’t my stomach screaming for food?”

Wife: “Yes I’m sure.  I think someone is trying to break into the house.”

Husband: “I would get out of bed but I don’t have any energy.  I’m feeling weak.  I used up all my points during breakfast.  Tell the burglar, I’ll let him have the TV and the computer for 15 points.”

(End scene)

 

We have casual Fridays at work.  Which means we all get to dress down on Fridays.  I think that the “Point” Posse should all get t-shirts with their “Points” printed on them and start wearing them on Fridays.  It would make my life easier because they all have replaced their real names with a number.  I can’t remember all their new number names.

 

Since I’m not a “Point” Person, I’m an outsider, and a rebel.  Just to make things interesting and fun, and also to be the envy of the “Point” Posse; maybe I’ll wear the following jersey next casual Friday.

That’s right!  No starvation in my day.

 

Be More Than A Number!

 

Be Yourself!

© 2012, Iric. All rights reserved.

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