Feb 19 2012


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Tangent Attacks Volume 1

I own certain shirts that no matter how many times I wear them they have this remarkable gift of causing my back to itch.  The worse part, it’s always in the one spot on my back that I cannot physically reach.  I have many talents, but being a contortionist I am not.  I have to find objects to help me solve my itchy-back problem.  One time I used a metal ruler which seemed to do the job, but I soon felt a burning sensation on my back.  I looked at my back and it looked like Freddy Krueger stopped by to pay me a visit. 


I went from having a minor itch on my back to surfing the internet looking for remedies on how to treat your body after surviving a bear attack.  It looked like a bear decided to play tic tac toe on my back, and the bear won.


Speaking of Freddy Krueger, I’m sure there are people reading this that have no idea who Freddy is or what scary movie he starred in.


There are so many home improvement shows on TV.  People go on TV and try to fix their dysfunctional living spaces all within an hour for my viewing entertainment.  The shows have funny names like: I hate my bathroom; I hate my kitchen, and Kitchen crashers.  I’m waiting for the next new home remodeling show called I hate everything about my house.  I understand that people want to improve or tweak certain rooms of their house, but I believe it would be easier for some of these people to buy a new house.  The home owners on these shows complain so much about their living spaces…it makes me wonder why they purchased their house in the first place.  There is an eerie correlation between these shows and relationships.  I’ll have to research my theory and write about it in the future.


Thievery has reached an all-time low.  One of the newest crime waves sweeping across the city is stealing automatic flushers from rest rooms in restaurants and businesses.  Apparently, there is a metal in these flushers that is worth $2.50 per pound.  Soon the Division of Police is going to have to establish a new department: Urinal Task Force.  The police officers will be armed with their standard weapons: toilet brush and green gloves.









What I learned today: Hot fudge is not the same as chocolate sundae syrup.  I was in the mood for ice cream.  I had some vanilla ice cream and wanted a chocolate topping to spice things up.  I thought I had some chocolate sundae syrup, but discovered I actually had a jar of hot fudge topping.  Unless you put this hot fudge topping in the microwave it is utterly useless.  I did not want something hot on top of my cold ice cream.  Trying to make the best of what I had, I grabbed a spoon, and tried to use this chocolate cement mortar in a jar.  I could barely get a spoonful of this mysterious chocolate rubber compound out of the jar because it is so thick.  I let the guy in the photo borrow a spoonful of my hot fudge topping to show-off its binding strength.


I could probably use this fudge topping to fill in nail holes, cracks, or other blemishes in my walls.  I’m positive hot fudge spackling paste is going to be the next home improvement craze.


Iric’s Hot Fudge Spackling Paste…helping to make walls lick-able since 2012.

© 2012, Iric. All rights reserved.

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