Feb 22 2012


I have SDLO Disorder

I recently read an article that stated that oatmeal was one of the best foods to eat during winter.  Are you kidding me?  My dislike for oatmeal even surpasses my scornful views of The Sound of Music.  I am still haunted by my first and last time eating oatmeal as a child.  I took one bite of oatmeal, and I instantly knew that this mushy, unattractive display of food was not for me.  I quickly told my mother that I did not like oatmeal.


My mother gave me the classic parent line, “You are not getting up from the table until you eat all of your oatmeal.”


Everyone around me finished eating their oatmeal, and I was left in the dining room by myself.


Several hours had passed before my mother re-entered the dining room.  She stopped dead in her tracks when she realized I was still sitting there.


Mom: “Why are you still sitting there?”


Me: “I told you that I don’t like oatmeal, and you told me that I couldn’t leave the table until I ate it.”


Mom: “I guess you really don’t like oatmeal.  I won’t ask you to eat that again.”


The definition of oatmeal: Unsavory food, despised topic of conversation, or a dreadful activity.  The word oatmeal is derived from the Latin words: gross and disgusting.


I will often use the word “oatmeal” as a safe word to change uncomfortable topics during a conversation, or to get out of disliked activities and other unpleasant events in my life.  When I say the word “oatmeal” it basically means: I would rather sit at a table for several hours by myself staring at a bowl of what looks like a sixth grade science project gone bad, than do something that I do not like.


Back to the article… oatmeal apparently helps keep your serotonin levels high.  Serotonin is the feel good hormone often triggered by sunlight.  Since winter produces less sunny days, it can cause some people to become somewhat depressed.  A serious form of this wintry depression is called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).


I have SDLO (Seriously Don’t Like Oatmeal) disorder.  SDLO disorder is a year-round medical condition.  There is no cure for SDLO disorder.  It is something I will live with for the rest of my life.  I don’t like the texture, look, or taste of oatmeal.  If I grabbed a handful of saltine crackers, smashed them up, put them in a bowl, and added water; I could create something that resembled oatmeal, but would at least taste better.


I know that people will often add all sorts of “extras” to enhance their oatmeal experience.  People sometimes add cinnamon, fruit, dry cereal, and even syrup to help hide the horrible taste of oatmeal.  Like coffee, if I have to add all those “extras” to make the product tolerable…it just isn’t worth it.


Thankfully, there are other foods, fruits, and vegetables besides oatmeal that I can eat to increase my serotonin levels.


There are even activities that I can do to boost my happy hormone levels such as:


1.) Getting a massage.  Who doesn’t like getting a massage?

2.) Exercising. For example, cycling and running.  No wonder I like to run so much.

3.) Remembering happy events.  So if you catch me daydreaming, please do not interrupt me, I may be trying to increase my happy hormone levels.


Can you imagine my horror if I ever stumbled across a movie theater showing The Sound of Music and offering oatmeal as a refreshing movie snack?  That would be such a deadly combination that I cannot even joke about it.  In fact, you could strap me to a rocket, and fire me towards the movie theater, and I still wouldn’t go inside.








I would use my new Superman action socks to stop the rocket and prevent my certain demise if I entered such a theater.


Please don’t hate me for being sexy in my Superman socks.  I recently received these Superman socks as a gift from a business colleague.  This business colleague, who has also become a good friend, thought I deserved the super hero socks because I am very helpful, and I always come through during times of business need.


I look forward to the warmer and sunny days of spring.  More sunlight means an increase in everyone’s happy hormones and less need for oatmeal.  Until spring arrives, I encourage everyone to avoid oatmeal, and to make a commitment towards finding a more pleasant solution for increasing your happiness hormones.


Question: What type of treadmill-er would I be if I wore my Superman socks while running on a treadmill?


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