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Your World My Eyes » staying sane through laughter

May 16 2014

Iric

Fortune Cookie Roulette

Billions of fortune cookies are made each year.  Some people don’t eat fortune cookies but are eager to reveal the small prize inside. What prize?  The little crystal ball piece of paper that provides its owner with a fortune.  In most cases, the fortune is a positive message that often brings a smile and a laugh to the reader.  We’ve all received a not-so-great fortune inside the cookie and, you have to admit, have been slightly disappointed when you have.

Scene: Chinese Restaurant during lunch with coworkers.
The waitress or waiter brings you the bill and yes…the fortune cookie.  It’s almost like opening a tiny present just for you. Somehow this little crispy cookie made from flour, sugar, vanilla, and sesame seed oil is going to transform into a magical messenger of good news to come.

Fortune Cookie

It’s time to share your fortune with everyone around the table.  Talk about fortune cookie pressure.  If you receive a boring or bad fortune inside the cookie…it almost feels like being picked last in kick ball.  Yes…it’s that bad and embarrassing.

Your fortune: Your jeans make your butt look big.

Coworkers: The rest of the day you and your bad fortune become the office joke.  Everyone feels the need to stop by your office and relive the experience all over again…interjecting their own personal “endings” to your fortune.

Really Bad Fortunes:

Pick another fortune cookie.

Don’t eat any Chinese food today or you will be sick.

Smile! You have food stuck between your teeth.

You are nuts! Beware of squirrels!

You need a mint. Like, bad.

You actually believe you just ate chicken. Ha!

Your friends are being paid to like you.

The color of stupidity looks good on you.

Employees are not required to wash hands.

Thanks to you…the buffet is now closed.

Someone just broke into your car.

Lost cat. Last seen behind this restaurant

I can’t believe you ate all that food.

 

I actually received the following fortune cookie and thankfully, it wasn’t as bad as some of the ones listed above.

Fortune Cookie Part One

The expert at anything was once a beginner.”  Lucky Numbers: 3, 17, 20, 21, 33, 45

 

This fortune seems innocent enough with a hint of motivation on the side.

 

Please keep in mind that the individuals shown below were once beginners, but somehow managed to fine-tune their skills into becoming experts in their industries.

Odor Testers

 

armpit-sniffer

Expert Sniffer

Yucky Face

Flunked out of odor testing school on the first day. “You want me to smell what?!”

Hey someone has to make sure the deodorant you’re wearing is actually working.  I’m not sure when someone decides that they have a desire to be an odor tester, but there is a market and a demand for this occupation.  Perhaps one day they watched their dog sniff another dog and said to themselves, “I can do that and bonus if I can get paid for doing it.”  The people shown above actually have the title of “underarm odour assessor” for their company.  I’m sure they can’t wait for the company’s new Smells Like Bacon line of deodorant to find its way into the laboratory.

Pet Food Tester

pet-food-tester

We don’t like to share our treats.

Yes…this guy gets paid to taste pet food.  If it’s not good enough for you, then why should it be good enough for your pet? If you eat enough dog biscuits, I’m sure you’ll be able to identify all the great ingredients contained within that special training treat.  Bonus: You’ll never have to visit the dentist again if you include dental style treats as part of your testing ritual. Make sure you test the kind of treats that help minimize doggie breath…your significant other will appreciate this added benefit when giving you a long kiss after a long day at work.

Knife Throwing  Assistant

KnifeThrowingassistan

All my teachers told me I would never amount to anything, but I proved them wrong. I’m on the internet which means I’m famous.

I’m not sure what possesses a person to want to be a human target to earn a dollar.  What if your knife throwing boss is having a really bad day.   Do you really want your bad mood boss throwing sharp objects at you?  I know they say words hurt, but flying knives leave scars, and I’m not sure health insurance covers injuries directly related to stupidity.

If there are any children reading this blog post, I have a special message for you:  “If you don’t eat your vegetables, your brain will not continue to work.  If your brain does not work.  This is the job you will have when you are an adult.  Eat your vegetables!”

 

I hope the next fortune you receive from a fortune cookie is positive, makes you smile, brings laughter, and perhaps even motivates you to find a new job.

Make today count!

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